Cultivate Promise: A Response to Violence

Gun control and stricter legislation are imperative, but they are not enough. The more I mull over the world’s various and vast problems, the more I am convinced that the roots of our issues run much deeper, and much further back, than we so often convince ourselves.

Shootings are just one manifestation of the toxic cycle of violence. 

I often consider this strange reality:

When children are young, we say they are beautiful. They are pure and innocent. If a first grader starts hitting kids at school, we are quick to note that it is likely due to inadequate parenting – a lack of discipline or strong role models. We pity the child. We have compassion for the girl performing under grade-level and the boy with under-developed social skills.

Suddenly, that child grows up and we have no problems casting stones and calling him/her a monster. When that grown child commits a crime, or wrongs another, our response is too often punitive, rather than restorative.

Where is the disconnect? How can we have compassion for the child, yet cast such a critical eye on the floundering adult, ill-educated and unequipped with the basic tools to function as a contributing member of society? Did we expect that neglected child to be miraculously imbued with good manners, a healthy approach to decision-making and a vocational skill-set?

Our response to gun violence should clearly be a focus on prevention. Preventing the amount of dangerous weapons available to the public is certainly a start, however we must turn our attention on preventing a situation in which an individual responds to their own personal turmoil with hostility and violence, especially lethal violence, towards others.

We need to work on cultivating a society of peace and understanding. It is backwards to think that we can solve our problems by arming more civilians and preaching an eye for an eye. We can’t keep teaching our children that the best way to respond to guns is with more guns, to hate with more hate, and to violence with more violence.

Working with homeless men has been a huge eye-opener for me. Many of the men I meet are mentally ill, have been incarcerated, wear the label of alcoholic, drug-abuser or child molester and are physically disabled. Many of them can’t hold a job, and, if I’m being honest, I don’t know that I would hire them myself, were I in a position to do so. It is clear that they often don’t even possess the basic fundamentals necessary to being employed, let alone being self-sufficient. I am so grieved by the lack of hope that surrounds the homeless community and yet often, when I look through the lens of their perspective, I understand the bleakness. This deep empathy for these wounded people has compelled me to get to know them.

Through my conversations with these men, I often hear of abusive childhoods and penetrating loneliness. So many of them have no family to speak of. I hear stories of how they were imprisoned for some crime, and, upon release, with no family to return to, they were abandoned with $30 on the steps of a bed-bug ridden shelter, where men shoot-up in the bathroom and trade Safeway giftcards for drugs.

How can we expect these men to prosper and build themselves up from the bottom in such a toxic environment?

This is when I can’t ignore the hopelessness. This is when I feel most deeply that the only solution is preventing these situations from happening. Offering stable support systems from an early age. Providing adequate resources to families dealing with mental illness. Working on breaking stigmas and lifting up the ostracized and marginalized.

Our bodies need certain vitamins. In order to absorb said vitamins, however, we need a diet that consists of the essential nutrients that enable our bodies to benefit from the vitamins. Like this, our children need stable and nurturing home environments before they can begin to absorb the benefits of a good education.

While education is a huge facet of empowering young people to grow into a positive adulthood, I truly believe that most often, the hugest lapse for a struggling child lies within the breakdown of the family support system.

As humans, we all inevitably make missteps and misjudgments.  The difference between the outcomes of these situations and what we learn from them, however, lies in what kind of community has, and is, supporting us. If we are instilled with positive values and the knowledge that we are loved, we are much more likely to succeed. This is what we need to offer our youth. Beyond that, it is imperative that parents be adequately equipped to raise their children – to know how to respond when a child exhibits signs of mental illness or a developmental challenge.

If children aren’t sufficiently supported, a domino effect is liable to occur. Without encouragement to invest in their education, we see young people turning to other outlets. Too often, this alternative leads to risky behavior that might result in drug-abuse or unprotected sex and teen pregnancy (often perpetuating the cycle of children being born into households that struggle to stay afloat). Without proper encouragement, the motivation to aspire for more, and to make positive decisions based on promising aspirations, inevitably dwindles. 

Without hope for a positive future, in which we are accepted, loved and encouraged to contribute our unique gifts, we are bound to view the world as a very dark place.

Without a safety net of people who are looking out for us and are prepared to identify and respond effectively to signs of depression or bi-polar disorder, we are bound to let our inner turmoil manifest itself in negative and hostile ways.

Every criminal, every abuser, every murder, was once a child. What we need to focus on is lifting our children out of darkness. Empowering them to be a positive force in the world. Equipping them with the tools to make good decisions. Building for them a society in which we solve our problems with peace, instead of guns. We need to show them that we are working towards breaking the cycle of violence, so that they don’t need to be afraid to go to school. We must let them know that they are each unspeakably valuable and that their life is full of promise and that this world is a place worth caring for.

- Chelsea Fiske
website: cmfiske.blogspot.com